If There's a God, He Hates Chicago

I always struggle with the existence of God or some other kind of intelligent designer. On the one hand the positive argument seems too convenient, on the other hand, there’s the city of Chicago; God must really hate the people of Chicago.

Sure I’ll concede, the city is pretty nice. The improv comedy scene is stellar. The shopping is pretty sweet, if you’re into that sort of thing… (I am). But that’s the tourist side of town, and anyone who lives his or her days as a Chicago citizen will tell you it’s a tough life.

First let’s forget about the 2005 White Sox, because a) It was a fluke, and b) the South Side of Chicago doesn’t count. Disregarding that one year, the city of Chicago hasn’t won a championship since the Bulls won in 1998, but who likes the NBA anyway? The Bears haven’t won a Superbowl since 1985 and lost a heartbreaker in 2006 due to the heroics of Rex Grossman… Everyone knows how long it’s been since the North Side has had a parade in October. In fact had archaeologists not recently dug up evidence of a World Series Parade, that information may have been lost to history forever.

And finally there’s the Chicago Blackhawks. There’s a lot of glory involved in being a ‘Hawks fan. They’re an Original Six Franchise, their esteemed alumni include none other than Bobby Hull, Stan Mikita, Jeremy Roenick, Chris Chelios, and Ed Belfour…just to name a few of the more famous ones. However the glory ends there. The Stanley Cup hasn’t paraded in Chicago since 1961, (Blues fans that’s longer than our entire history). More recently, from 1998 until 2008 the Blackhawks had all but been dead from the October drop of the puck (a quick playoff exit in 2002 at the hands of the St. Louis Blues being the only bright spot in a dark time). This of course was during a time where average ticket prices exceeded $50, and home games weren’t even shown on TV in an effort to force home attendance for fans. The Hawks finally hit rock bottom in 2004 when ESPN named the Blackhawks the worst franchise in all of professional sports.

But as quickly as the wheels had seemingly fallen off the wagon, the team began a turnaround. After several top prospects including Eric Daze, Tuomo Ruutu, and Rene Bourque, all fizzled out or found success with other teams, the Hawks finally turned the ship around in 2006 by not only drafting Jonathan Toews at third overall but also acquiring Martin Havlat and Bryan Smolinski.

In 2007, the Hawks earned the top pick in the draft and with it took highly skilled American Patrick Kane.

In 2008 both Kane and Toews contended for the Calder trophy with Kane eventually winning after leading all rookies in points (Toews led all rookies in goals). Finally 2009 marked the first time in six years that the new-look youngster-laden Blackhawks reached the playoffs. With a solid rebuilding plan in place, it seemed to be only a matter of time before the Blackhawks earned their fourth Stanley Cup.

But let’s not forget the title of this think piece. What started out as a good plan, and quickly blossomed into a solid organizational stance may be in the midst of a supernova-esque destruction. Ask any hockey fan who the best young program in the NHL was in 2008-2009, and they would naturally say the Chicago Blackhawks. The NHL even recognized the by awarding Chicago the Winter Classic. I myself although I hated to say it, have been quoted saying that the Blackhawks had a good model to imitate in the Blues’ own rebuilding process. Hell, the Blackhawks led the league in home attendance a mere four years after ESPN named them the worst franchise in sports. This of course all happened before the summer of 2009.

It started off simple, a team seeking scoring brought in a proven goal scorer when they signed Marian Hossa to an admittedly odd 12 year deal worth $62.8 million. A team needing depth signed Tomas Kopecky, and John Madden. For maybe an hour or so this seemed like a good idea, until the city of Chicago, and indeed the rest of the NHL ran the numbers and found two problems. Problem #1, and the more obvious one: in a salary cap-run system struggling with a bad economy, how on earth can a team expect to hold onto a core group of talent when more than $5 million dollars is going to one player each season? Fans reacted in outrage when they realized that it would be a miracle if the Hawks could hold onto Hossa, Toews and Kane (who both lose their entry level restrictions after 2010 and will be seeking huge paydays), Duncan Keith, Patrick Sharp, Kris Versteeg (who they almost lost to the cap in 2009 anyway), and Brian Campbell who is making $7 million of his own. Problem #2: The NHL found an oddity in the deal that called for Hossa to make only $875,000 in each of the final four years of the outrageously long contract (which would end when Hossa turned 42) after making $5-7 million in the eight years prior. With that information the NHL is now building a case against the Blackhawks by saying that there must have been some kind of agreement involving retirement before the end of the deal, and the drop off in pay is an effort to reduce the salary cap hit should Hossa retire. If this is the case, the Hawks could lose draft picks as a punishment.

Quickly after these allegations arose, Hossa found himself in more controversy when he announced he could miss the first four months of the season due to a shoulder injury. It couldn’t get much worse for the Blackhawks right?

Wrong. This is why I’m sure that if there is a God, he really hates Chicago. On August 9^th, Buffalo Police arrested number one overall pick Patrick Kane for Criminal Mischief and Robbery. What was at the center of this alleged incident? Alcohol? Nope. Drugs? Nope. Hookers? Nope. Money? Well maybe, if by money you mean twenty whole pennies. That’s right, allegedly, when the driver of the cab in which Kane and his cousin were riding didn’t have two dimes, four nickels, or twenty pennies to complete making change for the $13.80 fare, the two boys (yes young boys under 22) punched the driver repeatedly, took their money back, taunted the driver by asking him over and over again “Do you know who I am?”, and then fled the scene. (As a responsible journalist I should note that Kane has plead not guilty so all the facts are not out at this time.)

Call it the EA Sports curse, (Kane recently appeared on the cover of NHL10), call it a young star with a huge ego, or call it whatever you wish, (Personally, I call it ridiculous. We can save these stories for the NBA and NFL) one thing is for certain…Each day I get a little bit more proud to be a Blues Fan.