MY ALL-STAR ADVENTURE PART II

One of the newest and most unique events during All-Star Week is All-Star Sunday. It is an all day celebration of baseball that includes the Future’s Game, which is a chance for minor league talent to showcase their abilities before a Major League crowd, and the Legends and Celebrities Softball Game, which is a chance for older players and B-list celebrities to show how desperate for attention they really are.

The Future’s Game breaks up minor league players into two teams: The America Team and the World Team. The World Team is comprised of any baseball player not from America, so essentially it’s like the United States takes on the world in the game that America invented. You would think that America would always dominate. WRONG! In fact, going into the 2009 game, America and the world were tied. Mark this in your calendars. For a time, America was on an even playing field with the world. But who would prevail this year?

The Celebrity Softball Game is the newest attraction to All-Star Sunday. It started in Seattle during the 2001 All-Star Game and has occurred ever since. The players insist they are playing for charity, but in reality, ESPN just needed something to put in their time slot immediately following the Home Run Derby on Monday night. I would have loved to be at that brainstorming session:

“Gentlemen, we need something to broadcast after the Home Run Derby.”

“Why don’t we just broadcast Sports Center?”

“No. The Yankees and Red Sox didn’t play today so that means nothing interesting happened in the world of sports.”

“Why not air a special All-Star version of Baseball Tonight?”

“Dammit, man! Your ideas make too much sense! We need something completely out of the blue!”

“How about we just get a bunch of old guys and unknown celebrities to play in a softball game the Sunday before the All-Star Game?”

“BRILLIANT!”

“And we can charge people 30 bucks a ticket to come watch this bull shit!”

And that’s how Erin Andrews landed her job with ESPN.


PART II: IT’S RAINING ON GAME NIGHT


The night after my experience at FanFest, I began doing what I normally do: Goofing around on the Internet looking at pointless YouTube videos until I realize, “Oh crap, I came down here four hours ago to just check my e-mail before bed!” It’s a good thing I got distracted (again) because I received a late night phone call from my girlfriend, Megan.

“THEY’RE HAVING A CELEBRITY SOFTBALL GAME TOMORROW,” she shouted over the phone.

“I know. Since when are you interested in going to see something remotely involving baseball,” I asked.

“This ISN’T baseball. IT’S CELEBRITIES!”

Something to note here. Megan hates baseball. Scratch that. Megan hates sports. Several times I have tried to get here to sit down and watch a sporting even with me and she can’t stand it. She dreads baseball season like St. Louis dreads the Rams: Just avoid at all cost. Since I’m a huge baseball fan, life is hard for her from April to September, and God willing till late October. Sorry Megan, but it’s only six or seven months out of every year.

Anyway, with this in mind, I was somewhat excited that Megan showed any interest in doing anything baseball. So without even questioning anything, I went ahead and bought two tickets to All-Star Sunday.

We left Sunday morning and parked in my usual spot: The City Hall Lot right across from the police station on Clark Street. I love this parking lot. It’s cheap, convenient and it’s only a couple blocks from the ballpark. Traditionally, there is an attendant at the entrance of the lot charging five dollars to park there (six dollars if there is an “event” at Scottrade Center. And by event, I mean the guy was charging an extra dollar and putting it in his pocket but got caught for selling crack. I still love this lot). However, there was no attendant there and the gates were wide open. This either meant, “Come on in and park for free,” or “Come on in and we’ll tow your car and ruin your day because you aren’t supposed to park here.” I parked there in the hopes that my 2000 silver Buick LeSabre would still be there when I got back.

The skies were cloudy that day, but at first it looked like it was just going to be that type of day and nothing looked overly ominous. As I looked at the clock it was 12:20. I figured I would be home by 7pm.

I was dead wrong….

The Future’s Game started on time, at 1pm. The plan was that a half-hour after the game finished, the Celebrity Softball Game would start and be over about two hours later. However, nature had different ideas. The Future’s Game finished the top of the first inning and then the rain came pouring down like the Octo-mom’s water had just broke. And if you didn’t realize it was raining, the lovely people at Busch Stadium put this message on the scoreboard to tell you that it was.


Well, neither Megan nor I were very happy. When I looked at the radar and saw a large plot of green with a little yellow and orange mixed in with a purple center, I knew it was going to be a very long day, especially since I knew that purple rain is the worst kind of rain.

For four hours we sat through a delay. I would have taken this time to drink my fair share of Bud Light, but at nearly eight dollars a bottle, I could only have two.

Since there was no baseball to be played for a while, I decided it would be a good time to meet up with my Uncle Mike, Aunt Carol and Cousin Steve who were also enjoying the rain delay at the stadium. Unfortunately, they were sitting in the upper deck and Megan and I were down at field level. In order to get up there, we had to leave our covered seats and make the trek up three levels to get to them. This normally wouldn’t be a problem except it was raining and Megan was wearing sandals. I wanted to laugh at her but that would not be very loving of me. So I laughed in private and laughed while I wrote this sentence. Sorry Megan, but your misfortune was my entertainment.

We finished our wet trek up to the upper deck to meet my family members. Something to know about my aunt and uncle: They love to go to the baseball game. They normally have a season ticket pack and pack a cooler for every game so they have their own food and don’t have to spend five dollars for a single French Fry. The oddest thing they have ever brought to the ballpark was biscuits. Not to poke fun, but who brings biscuits to the ballpark? Other than the great alliteration between the word “ballpark” and “biscuits”, they just don’t fit. But hey, it’s a cheap alternative to a six dollar hot dog that tastes like I feel when Chris Duncan swings wildly at a ball in the dirt.

Anyway, with this fact, I was shocked when my Uncle Mike went to the concession stand to buy an order of supreme nachos. My uncle, aunt and cousin then acted as though they had never seen an order of supreme nachos before and devoured every single chip with four minutes. One minute later, my uncle bought another order of supreme nachos. However, everyone’s eyes were a little bigger than their stomachs as there was plenty left over when all three of them were full, which meant free supreme nachos for me. Suddenly a four hour rain delay didn’t seem so bad.

The Future’s Game eventually started again and if it was memorable for anything other than being delayed, it was because of the horrid defense played throughout the entire game. There weren’t very many errors, just really stupid plays, especially for Team USA. America took a 5-3 lead into the final inning, but pulled an Isringhausen and lost 7-5, giving the World a 6-5 advantage overall in the history of the Future’s Game. America, where has all the baseball talent gone?

The rain delay caused several people to leave the stadium early, so when the Future’s Game did start up again, there were very few people still in the stadium, which allowed all five of us to move down from the upper deck into the lower bowl closer to the field where we thought we would stay for the remainder of the game. You will find out later how wrong we were.

The Celebrity Softball Game started about 30 or 40 minutes after the conclusion of the Future’s Game. For some reason, I have watched every single one of these things since they first started in 2001 and there have never been anybody spectacular, but this year was kind of cool since it was being played in my hometown. Former Cardinal greats Ozzie Smith, Vince Coleman, Bruce Sutter and Lee Smith all played, along with a guest appearance by former manager Whitey Herzog.

On the celebrity side, Jenna Fischer (Pam from “The Office”), rap artist and hometown hero Nelly and, my favorite, former basketball coach and world record chair thrower, Bobby Night all participated.

Of all the celebrities involved, one in particular caught Megan’s eye: Brian Littrell of the Backstreet Boys (Backstreet’s back…..ALRIGHT!). I suddenly realized we would be staying after the game to try and get an autograph.

The game went on as planned with players teasing each other between plays. Nelly was the star of the game with a diving catch and a home run that cleared the temporary wall set up for the game and almost landed on the actual warning track in right field.

However, the game became insignificant when an usher decided to push us out of the seats we had found in the lower level because the people who bought those seats finally showed up about midway through the softball game. We were not happy. Especially since the row of seats behind us were completely empty. We attempted to sit in that row, but the usher said we couldn’t because we clearly did not have tickets for that section. He then tried to send us all the way back to the upper deck. This is what really gets me. The stadium is not even close to being halfway full and you are trying to send me all the way back to the upper deck? Mr. Usher, you have just proven why Busch Stadium Ushers are the worst ushers in the Major Leagues, you guys just aren’t on the same plain of reality as everyone else. If there is nobody sitting in that seat, it is up for grabs. If the person that bought that seat doesn’t show up, well too bad for them. They forfeited their rights to the seat so whoever claims it first owns it. Mr. Usher, get your head out of your butt and realize what the hell is going around you. You give those who actually know what’s going on and know proper stadium etiquette a bad name.

We didn’t go back to our upper deck seats. We ended up sitting in seats that were in the Redbird Club. Joke’s on you jerk!

The game ended in a 10-8 come from behind victory for the “National League” team. As Megan and I bid my family members farewell, it was time for the business at hand: Get Brian Littrell’s autograph. This was not as hard as I thought it would be as Littrell was signing just about anything passed his way. All we had to do was battle a couple of picture takers and a 40-something old woman claiming, “I feel like I’m 19 again,” which was odd because the Backstreet Boys were popular like 10 years ago, and if this woman was 40 now, she would be 30 back then. Sorry ma’am, you’re not fooling anyone. Just admit it, you liked the Backstreet Boys as a 30 year old working woman. To make things worse, she brought a copy of the Backstreet Boys “Millennium” CD. Maybe it was pre-empted and she brought it to get it signed, or maybe she always has a copy with her just incase she runs into a Backstreet Boy. Knowing this lady, I’m betting the latter.

After about ten minute of yelling, “Brian! Brian! Over here! I love ‘I’ll Be the One,’” we finally fought our way up to the front. Unfortunately, Megan did not come as well prepared as the 40 year old super fan, so she had him sign her game day program. To make things even more unfortunate, Littrell signed the BACK of the program instead of the front. Megan now has a framed advertisement for Taco Bell signed by Brian Littrell of the Backstreet Boys.

Overall it was a great day. We saw some of the Cardinal’s future and past stars. We ate free nachos and the Cardinals split a doubleheader with the Chicago Cubs to finish the first half of the season. It’s amazing what you can accomplish when there is a four hour rain delay.

As we got back to the car (which had not been towed), the clock on car radio read 11:15pm. So much for getting home by 7pm for dinner. It’s a good thing White Castle is open 24 hours a day!

In Part III:

-I make my glorious return to FanFest where my cousin Joe doesn’t want to do anything but eat!
-I learn just how popular Colby Rasmus is becoming.
-I race home to try and see Albert Pujols win the Home Run Derby.

Stay tuned…